Red Meat
by Mjulinir
Summary: Ever wondered what Red Riding Hood would have been like from the wolf's perspective if the wolf happened to also be a delinquent from the '50s? No? Maybe it's about time you did.


A/N: Well, as I was digging through my files I came across this scrap of meat and thought I'd plaster it up here. It's not really all that great, but it made me chuckle. I wrote it for a fairy tales class I took in ninth grade where we studied the history of fairy tales and their different forms and adaptations. Stuff like that. Hope you enjoy it.

I'm really not sure why the wolf turned out to have such a strange narrative voice, it's just the way the story evolved. I guess it kind of suits him.

* * *

I was hungry…

Yeah, I mean really REALLY hungry. We're talkin' so hungry I was half dead, lying in the middle of the path. I actually thought that the kid was an angel comin' to take me to the other side, at first… But only at first…soon as I got a whiff of the brat I figured, angel or no, she smelled pretty tasty. And my chances of ending up any place cozy were slim to none.

Now don't get me wrong, I was never the kinda wolf who would prey on a defenseless little kid. After all, I take pride in my work and what's the fun in killing something that can't even fight back? But when you're starving that stuff doesn't really matter anymore.

She pretty much asked for it anyway. I mean, how many kids'll actually stop in the middle of the forest to talk to a wolf? Not many, I'll tell you that much. And I figured that any mother who sent a kid that stupid out into the woods alone was **trying** to get rid of them.

Tricking the kid was too easy…almost made me a little guilty. But like I said, I was hungry.

_Where are you going? To your Granny's? That's nice. She live alone? Aww, poor lady, bet she gets lonely. Yeah, she's awful lucky to have a sweet little kid like you to visit her. Oh! Look at all those pretty flowers over there! Don't you think Granny'd like some flowers too? Course she would! I bet she'd even give you some cookies or somethin'. Yup! I sure do. Well, I'd better get goin' kid… Yeah, I'll see you again sometime. Be sure to pick lots of flowers! Yeah, bye._

Pathetic…absolutely pathetic. But it worked.

Granny was even easier. I figure stupidity must have run in the family or somethin'. I mean, do I really sound **that** much like a little girl? You'd think she'd be able to tell a wolf's voice from her own granddaughter's but I dunno…humans are pretty dumb. But they don't taste so bad…

Well, with Granny out of the way I could relax a bit. Everything was in place, the kid would come, I'd lure her inside and then pounce. Piece of cake, right?

Well it was. Kid didn't suspect a thing, I was even starting to have my doubts about eating her. What if her idiocy rubbed off on me? You are what you eat, my Ma always used to say. But after eating Granny and all that I figured I might as well eat the kid too.

She just walked right up to me where I was tucked into the bed, Granny's ridiculous cap perched on my head, not even really concealing my ears and gave me a hug.

_Flowers? For me? Well aren't you a dear. Put 'em on the table, that'a girl. And the basket, too. Good kid. Now come over here and let your old granny have a look at ya._

Now you'd think that a 12 year old girl would be able to differentiate between her own eighty-year-old grandmother and a slavering carnivore, am I right? Nope! Not this one. She came trotting right over and stood by the bed with this bland look on her face. Now that I had something in my stomach, I could fully appreciate the kid's physical features. She was nice and plump and juicy and…Oh, jeez, I nearly started drooling all over Granny's nightshirt.

My train of thought was broken when the kid stared at me with those big ol' eyes and said what must have been the dumbest string of words I'd ever heard. Granny, what big eyes you have. Honestly, when was the last time she looked in a mirror? And what kind of thing is that to say to your grandma who may or may not keel over at any minute? Kids these days. _The better to see ya with, my dear._

Well, I waited a few minutes for that to sink in; you could practically see the gears inside her head screeching along at a breakneck crawl. Finally, when I was just about ready to go ahead and eat her, she opened her mouth again. This time, she felt that she needed to inform me that my nose was overly large. Wow thanks, kid. Might I remark that you ain't got the smallest honker, either. But I put on my best old lady voice and cheerfully replied. _Why, the better to smell ya with, my dear._

I admit, it was a sort of lame thing to say. Humans don't have the best sense of smell in the world, but I figured she wouldn't realize how odd it was for her grandmother to be trying to sniff at her, anyways. I was right, as usual. As soon as she'd processed my reply, she came back with: Granny, what big ears you have. No kidding. Not "Granny, why are your ears pointed and on the top of your head?". Nope. She was concerned about my ears being too large. Well, as touching as that concern was, I was getting tired of this. _The better to hear ya with, dearie. _

I was about to reach out and grab her so that I could scarf her down when she piped up again. Jeez, but her voice was annoying. Apparently, she had just wanted to point out that I had abnormally sized teeth. I was no longer in the mood. _Aw, just shut up already!_

Little thing didn't even scream. I guess her reflexes weren't fast enough for that. I was digesting her probably before she even got it through her thick skull that she was in some sort of danger.

As soon as my stomach settled I wriggled out of the nightshirt and that stupid cap and got the hell out of there. Wasn't any point in hanging around now that I'd finished the job. 'Sides, it's never a good idea to hang around at someone's house after devouring them. For some reason, people don't tend to be very forgiving about that sort of thing. Go figure.


End file.
